Please visit www.nivispace.com . Have migrated to my own website 🙂 Yay
He erased the line for the 5 th time and thought again of another fitting sentence. I looked at his notebook with patience. He needed time to figure out what he needs to say , the way he needs to say it. I was just supporting him with help if he felt he needed any. I could see the fingers twitching and shaking the pencil as though it was dancing to a tune in his head. My mind went to the eraser nearby and though how much fun it would be if they were all starring in a motion picture musical and dancing and talking to one another and in the process save the world . No, wait a minute that is pixar’s next movie.
I saw his hands moving slowly completing two words and the pencil touching his forehead, in deep thought obviously verifying if the words made sense and if he should continue with his sentence. I saw the tiny little pieces of paper that the eraser takes with it and the pieces flying away when she saw him blowing hard at them.
As much as a part of me wanted to help me complete the sentence, I held myself against it. It is his work, his thought. After waging a war with his mind, he finally seemed to have conquered it and finished his story for the creating writing competition that was an annual ritual in his school. This was his second year in participating.
His beautiful little 6 year old eyes looked at me as though looking for appreciation. I was fraught with pride with his essay , the richness of it. I looked at him and wanted to say ” It is the decisions that make you who you are son. Even if it is a sentence,a word,a letter. It is the swaying that defines you, the battles you fight to make a choice. No choice is easy. No battlefield is a cakewalk. Every fork in life leaves you with tough decisions to make. Every one of them is hard, and you write and erase your way through it. The harder you fight, a greater mark you leave. The mark tells you of the tough times you had making a decision. The mark makes you wonder what would have happened if you had not left a mark, if you had proceeded with the previous decision. something you will never know. Try not to leave a mark or tear a paper cause those might always come back to haunt you of the road you did not take.
There is nothing worse than wondering what could have been.
I spared him my thoughts and saved it for another 10 years and said
“That is a beautiful essay sweetheart. Go along now and play with your friends.”
P.S : My 50th Post. Yay 🙂
September 7, 2008 at 2:03 am
So, another farewell and another day of reliving memories, another day wondering why things change , another day when you hate changes, another day when you swear to yourself that you will not let changes affect you. All in vain.
On a positive note though, its another day when you realize why some people are worth all the questions that come in your mind, why some people are worth all the sorrow and simply why some people are worth being missed!
Being a simple person who just wants good times to be back, I just want UG 839 and 821 to be back and want the fall and spring 2008 to be back.
Bhaiyya, Hari,Rahul, Akshay,Sriram,Vijay,Waj,Srivi. You will all be missed. Tons.I just wish time could have frozen with fall 2008.
For you all a thousand time over! ( Kite Runner )
August 23, 2008 at 6:25 pm
So here is a story that everyone is super familiar with. I am going to take you through a nostalgic route.
High school, 12th standard, board exams are over, you are relaxing in your house, with a hot cup of tea, bajjis and TV. This is the only time after ages when your mom or dad have not told you to study and have not thrown dirty glances when you were watching TV.You are blissfully happy thinking about the next 3 months you are going to spend royally wasting your time and sitting on your bottom doing nothing.
“Enna pa, 12th mudichitiya? (So boy! you are done with your high school?)
You are suddenly awakened from your day dream by this huge person and you immediately sit properly in the couch and try hard to quickly swallow the big piece of pakora from your mouth meanwhile nodding so as to not make it seem like eternity until you give your answer.
“Ammam uncle”(Yes uncle) Still wondering who this guy is.
Your mom then comes in and exchanges pleasantries with him and tells you how she knows him, he is as expected an aunt’ husband’s brother’s uncle or something similar to that. Well basically you dont care.
Not only he is loud and disturbs your perfect evening watching TV,since he is around, you cannot watch your regular MTV, Channel V where there are always near naked women dancing. It just was not manners. So you are forced to switch to Sun TV or worse Sun news to watch a bunch load of crap. So successfully by entering your house, he has screwed your mood.
Then he goes on to your studies. He wants to know all about your scores, right from 12th board results to TNPCEE , to what college you want to what course you want.
So you triumphantly mutter that you want Computer science. You then look at his face and see that every muscle of his face slowly changing to finally end up in a cringing look which is as scary as Vijayakanth smiling. So obviously you are scared and wondered if you said something blasphemous or if you accidentally changed to MTV.
“Enna pa, Why do you want to do CSE, the market is down no” he says.
You blink your eyes as obviously you are not quite clear as to what market he is talking about. What do vegetables and computer science has to do with each other . Immediately your mind wanders towards the potato your mom promised to make today only to come back to the crazy old man talking again.
“THe computer industry is down my lad. You wont be able to find any jobs. Dont take CSE or IT” rambles our all-knowing nobody.
“But I have always wanted to do CSE and I like programming and everything” you say in a weak feeble attempt to try and speak back to an elder. Now we all know how blasphemous that is.
Your mom then throws you a ‘listen to elders’ look.After 16 years of being in a Tam-Brahm house, you should almost expect this look. You get that look 10 times a day if not more.
“You should do ECE pa. That is the course that has more scope today. See if you do an ECE you can get an IT job and also do masters in America if you want . With ECE you have cross functional advantages pa. Don’t do just because you like it, you should also think about what will get you job no” our well equipped nobody gives free advice, the only thing that comes free really.
So here comes someone, completely ruins your evening, eats the remaining pakoras your mom made for you and confuses you on your future life ,altering plans!Now he has made you think! THe one thing you did not look forward to do the whole of your summer.
I have heard this take ECE, you have cross functional advantage, you can do anything you want mambo jumbo too many times when I told people I wanted to do computers. I am taking nothing away from ECe guys, if it excites you , that is what you should do and not even think twice. ECE was never my cup of tea so i decided to not heed to the nobody’s advice and went my own way.
Considering its the time of counseling, let me just ask all these nobody’s who throw away free advice to everyone who seems to have an ear attached to them.”How many ECE guys get to work on electrical companies? 1 or 2 in a college.Everyone gets absorbed in to TCS, Infosys or one of the other mass recruiting IT giant. So is the work that they do there electrical or electronics. Nope. I am sorry , you code!
In that case why not learn coding! If you go to do masters, that is an entirely different ball game, because you are obviously interested in studying more of the subject.
So please dont buy the whole BS about doing ECE because the industry is down. Even if you do ECE and industry is down, you wont get hired as you will get placed in an IT giant in India!
And btw I really hope people who still profess allegiance to the dont do CS as market is down try and explain to me who is having the last laugh ! Cause I sure did.
PS. Nothing aginst ECE or EEE , I have a bunch of friends who love those subjects and who are rockstars in it. The post was only for those who were forced in to taking ECE when thier heart was some where else.
August 11, 2008 at 5:35 pm
Note : Please read in IE as Mozilla does not fully support tamil fonts.
Note 2: There might be a spell errors in the post, it was because the software did not completely help me or I was ignorant of some features. Forgive me for those.
“என்று தணியும் இந்த சுதந்திர தாகம்.
என்று மடீயும் இந்த அடீமையிண் மோகம்”
“என்ன தாத்தா அர்த்தம் இதுக்கு?” என்று மழலை குறையாமல் கேட்டாள் ஆனந்தி.
“பாரதியார் கவதை கண்ணா இது, நம்ம நாட்டை வெள்ளக்காரன் ஆட்சி பண்ண போ சுதந்திரத்துக்காக போராடின பல பேர்ல இவரும் ஒருத்தர்.
சுதந்திர உணர்வைி ஏற்றும் பாடல்கள் பல பாடினார்.இந்த வரிகள் முலமாக என்ன சொல்றார் நா , எப்போ நம்ம நாட்டு மக்களுக்கு
வெள்ளைக்காரணிடம் இருந்து சுதந்திரம் கிடைக்கும். எப்போ நம் மக்கள் அடிமையா இல்லாம ,நாம்
நினைத்தால் எதை வேண்டு மென்றாலும் சாதிக்கலாம் என்று நம்புவார்கள், என்று கேட்பது போல பாடியுள்ளார்.
சுருக்ம்மா சொல்லணும்னா நாம் யாருக்கும் அடிமை இல்லை. இந்தியா போல் ஒரு நாட்டில் பிறக்க பெருமைப்பட
வேண்டும். எப்பொழுதும் தலை நிமிர்து நடக்கவேண்டும் என்று சொல்றார். புரியறதா செல்லம்” என்று எடுத்து சொன்னார் தாத்தா ஸ்ரீநிவாசன்.
“டேய் ஸ்ரீநிவசா, இதெல்லாம் நோக்கே நன்னா இருக்கா? இப்படி இந்த குடும்ப மானத்தை வாங்கறியே? நம்ம ஆத்த்ல யாருமே சிறைக்கு போனதே இல்ல.இப்படி எல்லாம் பண்ணி உங்க தொப்பானாரோட பெற கெடுகரிய.
தொரை கிட்ட வேல பண்ணரவர் உன் அப்பா. ஏன் தான் இப்படி எல்லாம் நடந்துகரியோ? என்று கதறினாள் ஸ்ரீநிவாசநின் தாயார்.
“பிறந்த தாய் நாட்டிற்காக சிறைக்கு செல்வது அவமானம் இல்லை அம்மா. அது பெரும் பெருமை. நாளை நாம்
சுதந்திரம் பெற்ற பிறகு மார்தட்டி கொண்டு சொல்லலாம் நீ, உன் பிள்ளையும் அதற்கு ஓர் காரணம் என்று. அது சாகா புக்ழ் அம்மா. அப்பா வெள்ளையனிடம் வேலை செய்து நமக்கு சேர்த்த இழிவை நான் துடைக்கிறேன் என்று எண்ணி பெருமை கொள். அடிமையாகவாழும் வாழ்க்கை கூட ஒரு வழக்கை தானா? ” என்று சீறினான் அவன் தாய் இடம்.
“நம்ம வாழ்க்கைக்கு என்ன டா குறைச்சல். எல்லா சுகமும் இருக்கு. மிச்சவா மாதிரி கஷ்ட படமா சண்தோஷமா தானே டா இருக்கோம்? என் தான் இப்படி எல்லாம் பேசற?” சொன்னாள் அம்மா
“எதை அம்மா சந்தோஷம் என்கிறாய்? இந்த அடிமை வாழ்வையா? நம்மை மண்ணை விட கேவலமாக நடத்துகிறான் நம் நாட்டை ஆள்பவன் .நம் நாட்டில் கொட்டிக்கிடக்கும் எல்லா வளத்தையும் அவன் நாட்டிற்காக பயன்படுத்திக்கொண்டு நம்மை அடிமையாக்கி வைத்தூரிக்கிறான். எதை அம்மா சந்தோஷம் என்கிறாய்?
நம்மோடு பிறந்து வளர்தவர்கள் அவதிப்படுவதை பார்த்து கொண்டு எப்படி அம்மா நிம்மதியாக இருக்க முடியும். நீ பிறந்த தாய் மண்ணை ஒருவன் அவமதித்து, அதில் முளைத்த முத்துக்கள் ஆகிய நமது சகோதரர் சகோதரிகளை அடிமை படுத்தி வைத்திருப்பதை கண்டு உன் இரத்தம் கொதிக்க வில்லாயா? இப்படி பட்டவனிடம் உழைத்து அதில் இருந்து உண்ணும் உணவும் ஒரு உணவா? அதற்கு சிறைச்சாலைல் கிடைக்கும் களி்கூட ருசியாக உள்ளதம்மா .” என்றான் ஸ்ரீநிவாசன்.
“யேன் தாத்தா அப்பாவை இன்னும் காணோம்? என்றாள் ஆனந்தி.
“வந்து விடுவார் இன்னும் கொஞ்ச நேரத்துல” என்றான் ஸ்ரீநிவாசன் கடிகாரத்தை பார்த்தபடி.
“ஷாந்தி , ஏனம்மா இன்னும் மொஹன்னை காணோம்? ரொம்ப நாழி ஆறது.” என்றான் ஸ்ரீநிவாசன் மருமகளிடம்.
“என்ன பா புதுசா கேக்கரீங்க. அவருக்கு இப்போ ப்ராஜெக்ட் முடியற சமயம். இது வேற அந்த வெள்ளக்காரன் ப்ராஜெக்ட் இல்லயா, அவா சமயமும் நம்ம சமயுமும் வேற இல்லயா. அதனால லேட் ஆகும் அப்பா. என்ன பண்றது. நல்ல
சம்பளம் தாரா,ஆனா அதுக்கு ஏத்த மாதிரி மாடா உழைக்கவேக்கரா. ” என்று பொலம்பிநாள் ஷாந்தி.
“அப்படி எண்ணமா வேலை, மாற்றாணின் இஷ்டத்துக்கு தலை வணங்கி இராப்பாகலா நேரம் காலம் இல்லாம வேல பண்ணனுமா?” என்றான் ஸ்ரீநிவாசன்.
“எனக்கும் அப்படி தான் தோன்றது ஆனா என்ன பண்ண முடியும். இந்த வேலை இருக்கறதாலதான் இவளோ நன்னா வாழ முடியும். இந்த வீடு, கார், நிலம், ஆனந்திக்கு நல்ல ஸ்கூல், நாளைக்கு காலேஜ் எல்லாம் இருக்கு இல்லயா? பொறுத்துக்க வேண்டியதுதான் அப்பா” என்றாள் ஷாந்தி.
ஆனந்தி கவிதையை வாஸித்தாள்.
“என்று தணியும் இந்த சுதந்திர தாகம்.
என்று மடீயும் இந்த அடீமையிண் மோகம்”
பாரதியை எண்ணி வியந்தான் ஸ்ரீநிவாசன். எப்படி இவ்வளவு தீர்க்கதரிசியாக இருந்தானோ?
சுதந்திரம காகிதத்தில் மட்டும் தான் பெட்ரொம்போல் ,வாழ்க்கையில்அல்ல.
“நீ படிக்க வேண்டியது அல்ல மா இது, உன் அப்பாவிடம் போய் அர்த்தம் கேள்” என்றான் ஸ்ரீநிவாசன் ,இன்னும் ஒரு சுதந்திர போர் எப்பொழுது துவங்க போகிறது என்று எண்ணி.
August 4, 2008 at 12:05 am
Disclaimer 1 : This is not a Thalaivar movie, hence I will be critical 🙂
For ignorants Thalaivar = Rajini and will be referred that way throughout.
Every movie is as good as the expectation is. So when everyone kept telling me that Kuselan was not a Thalaivar movie, I was like “Duh! don’t tell me you are a tamil movie buff and dint know that!”. Right from the time the movie was being shot, everyone who follows movies knew that it was not a Rajini movie and he was playing a guest role. I do not blame the movie makers for using Rajini for publicity. Rajini sells. Even if its one scene, he sells. Just like how Kamal Hassan does, Shah Rukh does and for some weird , unexplainable and unfortunate reason Vijay does. So if you don’t go prepared for that, well I am sorry its sort of your fault.
So I went fully aware for i was spending my 15 dollars for. A movie where Thalaivar played a role thats it. It was not a Rajini movie. So here goes Kuselan ‘s review. Pasupathy is a poor barber with a nice family. Though he battles poverty he leads a principled life and refuses to cheat to earn easy cash. Meena plays his better half supporting him through their life’s struggles. His life almost turns upside down when the entire village comes to know that superstar is in their town and that Balu(Pasupathi) was childhood friends with Super Star. Everyone in the village flock to Balu asking him favors to help them meet the superstar, each with his own reason .
Balu is worried if his friend will recognize him and even if he does whether he will misunderstand that he is doing so for monetary help. He therefore tries to turn down all the people but gets caught in a quagmire of a situation which causes his entire life and relationships fall apart.The movie concludes with the superstar talking to children telling them the importance of friendship and talks emotionally about the one best friend he had. THe movie ends with the childhood friends uniting.
Performances wise, pasupathy does a good job. Note its not great. I think pasupathy is a gifted actor, but this performance was not great. It did not make me go “wow”. It was good.But thats no enough for him. Meena does a decent job. She has put on a few pounds but it looks good on her. She pulls off a good performance as the devoted wife and a village woman who uses any opportunity to raise her and her husband’s reputation among the eyes of villagers. The kids are ok. The consolation is they are not the usual movie kids who are just outspoken and all you want to do is give them a nice spanking.
Screenplay , something Vasu is generally good at is ok. The scenes were definitely well connected. The only but huge problem was the absolutely unnecessary addition of commercial elements. It was not at all a wise decision. It was irritating at places. Contrary to all the reviews I read, I found Vadivelu quite honestly irritating. There was probably one or two places where he managed a laugh out of me. But at all other times,he was down right irritating and not to mention cheap. Santhanam did a better job.There were many aspects of the movie which they could have easily done with. Vadivelu’s wife was “ugggh, irritating” and so was Nayanthara, the damsel was absolutely not needed in the movie and certainly did not need so much screen space.The scene with her and Vadivelu made me sick. And am sure everyone else did too. They should given people paper bags when they went in to the movie.
The movie had a really nice storyline to it and good performances , but what totally pissed me off was the absolutely unnecessary commercial elements and need to titillate people. Listen up. Stop underestimating people.People need a good movie not unnecessary titillation.
The only absolutely awesome thing about the movie was, yeah you guessed it right was Rajini. It was absolutely amazing to see him riding a horse in the introduction to see him play a mellowed down person . It was like getting a glimpse of him in his everyday routine and he was Cool! He looked young, wore super designer wear from Guess to what not! Good job Soundarya. He did a good job in the climax too. How many times do you get to see superstar cry! Not often. It was refreshing to see him play a character. I loved him absolutely!
-Well Rajnikanth(Duh!) . He rocks.
-A good storyline in the times of Kuruwi and ATM.
-A few laughs
-Unbearable toilet humor
-Irritating songs absolutely misplaced(Especially the one with Nayanthara and the kids. I was almost going to write to Hindu about it. Please girl, you really needed a Tee)
-Bad and really bad background score.
-Stupid unnecessary graphics( Dolphins, Really! In a river in Tamil Nadu.I absolutely have no words. You just made a fool of yourself guys)
-Average performance. no one really touches you with their performances.
So, watch it, if you want a decent movie and are dying to see Thalaivar before ROBO shows up. That is why I went and am glad I did. Its amazing what 3 scenes of Thalaivar can do to erase a few other total disasters.
August 3, 2008 at 2:57 am
Tale of Two Diaries – Part 1
May 10th, 2007
I dint know it would take us such a long time to meet. It was a school reunion of sorts. I dint know if I was looking forward to it or not. To a great number of people there, I would be just another person who gets lost and people struggle to remember my name when they browse through old school photographs. Would it make a difference if I went there? Would people even bother? These were the thoughts that were going through my mind when I got the mail about the reunion.
But I would meet AAkash right? I mean I knew it was stupid that my heart sort of fluttered when I thought about it. Simply because I dont even think I have a crush on him. He just happens to be a really nice guy who sort of acknowledged me in school and let me hang out with the ‘cool’ gang.The fact that I had an uncanny ability to get lost among people was not exactly his fault.
I dont know in a weird way I am looking forward to the reunion maybe because I get to meet Aakash. But then I also think what is going to happen? I mean yeah, high school and college have brought about some changes in me, in the sense I don’t piss in my pants when I think about having to talk to people and socialize . But I am no way near the really cool extrovert people. And doesn’t time change everyone ?I mean what if I see all my friends and Aakash and there is just the exchange of silence between us?
May 11th, 2007
All we shared was the silence. But it was as though we shared it together. It was just us and silence was flowing between us like sweet mellifluous music. I was tempted to send a message across through the silence. Well maybe I did. I don’t know. All I knew was that it felt great to meet Asha again. It was one of those feelings of nostalgia mixed with the ecstasy of living the reality. Surreal but great.
I almost did not go to the reunion. For the most part because I have this feeling about meeting really old school friends. Simply because you have grown in such leaps and bounds in mental maturity that when you meet them after a long time, its this awkward pause that we always end up having. Its like , you are not close enough to discuss relationships but not distant enough to just exchange niceties. Its weird, really. Sharath , my other friend who had been with all along right from the kindergarten to IIT madras now, dragged me . His pretext was that probably any one of our old classmates had blossomed in to real cute chicks. Missing potential babe meetings upset him. Maybe it was abysmally low number of girls in IIT that drove him to such limits. But he gave me the “if-looks-could-kill” look when I said I was not very keen on going.
There she was standing right next to Aditi. One would assume Aditi’s sheer glow would make Asha invisible to the naked eye. Surprisingly, I found it really hard to take my eyes of Asha. It was the simplicity that shook me. It was the simple but neat Kurta over a well pressed jean,hair let down with just a small clip to hold it. The face was unnaturally natural. I mean you are amidst girls who are all done with layers of make up ,which i don’t think is wrong at all. Everyone looked great. Just that somehow this simple face,sans any decoration looked almost beautiful. I don’t use the word beautiful a lot. Simply because I think its way too strong a word to use on every other chick you see on the roads. Yes, for some really unexplainable reason, Asha seemed beautiful.
The reunion was just as I thought it would be. Boring awkward, super weird. After the usual, “where are you studying?,What are your future plans?” everyone was just gawking around.Adding to that was the really awkward feeling I had when Aditi came over to speak to me. Her dumbness seemed to be directly proportionally to her looks. She looked much prettier than she used to at school and was much more dumb. I congratulated myself again on a once wise decision.I was just too eager to get out of the conversation that only involved modeling and guys and more guys.
And when I went to Asha to inquire about her, she looked at me and smiled . It reminded me of our school days when she would always cling around me and friends. It took her a minute to answer and ask me a question back. For some reason, I liked it. Call it old fashioned , it was really nice to see a girl blush when speaking to you. I took her email id and phone number. It felt nice seeing her. I dint think more about it.
I was glad I went.
May 16th ,2007
This is probably one of the best phone calls I had ever received. I was super excited when Aakash gave me a ring. Somehow it was just too easy to speak to him. Why? I never understood. The usually tongue tied me was not so short of words when i spoke to him. Maybe the people who almost grow up with are the ones you are most comfortable with as you are not always on your toes wondering if they are judging you.
It was a great conversation. I felt like I got in touch with a long lost friend. I found what a conversation was.What it could be ? What it feels like to share just about everything ? I tell you, that is the best thing. I need to mark this diary entry. I want to open this entry some day . I am sure it would bring great joy. The day I made a true friend.
Jan 19 th 2008
Its unbelievable how sometimes you feel nervous at flip of a coin. At everything. I was quite unable to be myself for the whole evening. And worst part was I had a quiz at college too. I could not remember anything i studied for it. I was breaking my head over the simplest of problems.It was as though some sharp headed spear was piercing through me and got stuck inside instead of finding its way out. I was trying hard to get spear out. I was failing miserable at the attempt.
It was funny I was feeling this way. I decided to end my misery by letting Asha know how I felt. I thought that would make me feel better. But no, if any it only made my misery worse. What had I done? Did I just ruin the single best thing that happened to me? I don’t know. And am not sure how things are going to turn out.As of now, all I can think of is did I pass? I knew as I was asking the question myself that it was not the quiz I was bothered about.
Jan 19th 2008
I let the wind hit my face standing the terrace. I was letting it hit me as hard as it can. I did not prevent myself from losing what i thought the wind was stealing from me. It was as though the wind was trying to detach something from me. Like removing a part of me. A part of me that had always prevented me from the being the person that I have wanted to be. The person that i envied. The inhibitions that made me , me.
Would I be losing my identify if I lost my inhibitions ? What if these are the threads that hold together ? What if I become the faceless person then ? I felt the wind hit me hard as though trying to reason with me.That is when I realized it. Was i not a faceless person anyways? In a way the wind gave the answer to the question Aakash had asked me.
This is not the place for the answer. The answer needs to be told to Aakash and him only.
“Here I am telling you the answer all over again.This never went in to my diary and it never will cause the only place I want this to me is in our memories. Its just in us and nowhere else.
The answer has been the same always, and everytime I say it, It only becomes stronger and makes me happier. Not because you changed me in all the right ways. Not because you made me the person I am today. The person I love being. But because you loved me when I myself thought I was not worthy of love. Because you loved the person I was. Because you taught me what love meant Aakash. ”
“I could stand here and give you a speech how about how much the past 25 years with you have meant to me. Why would I do that when I can say everything I have ever wanted to say in just saying this.There is more depth to this than anything I can ever say”
I love you Asha. Always have. Always will. Always.
P.S: To everyone who find this a cheesy post. This was meant to be a cheesy post. This is me being an eternal optimist and a romantic believing that true love does exist.Why not!
July 26, 2008 at 5:01 am
Today Mommy told me to develop a good habit of writing a diary entry and also told me to continue writing unlike my other habits. Mommy is right though. Last week I told her I wanted a piano because I wanted to learn and become a musician but then after a week of music classes , I dont think I want to be one. I hope to listen to mommy this time and continue writing and telling you all important incidents of my life. You might have missed the first 10 years of my life but not anymore.ok got to sleep. Good night.
Today Akash told me that he started writing a diary because his Mom told him to. I thought it was a good idea. So I decided I will do the same. It was hard getting a diary though from Mom. So will a notebook count ?I will cover it with brown paper and put a label , so I will treat you with utmost respect. I dont know how a diary should work but I will learn more from akash and then write more. As of now I dont know what to write except that the maths miss keeps calling me in class to solve problems and I dont know maths at all.
Akash always answers in class and i keep wondering how he knows so much you know. But then his parents are very well educated. My parents are educated too but i dont think so much. And my dad doesnt have time to teach me you know. My mom doesnt like maths too. i hope I dont fail or something. My friend told me that if you fail one subject, we will be made to do 5th standard again. I dont want to sit with fourth standard kids. THey dont know any of the cool games we play.
Ok I have to go now. Talk to you later.
The coolest thing happened in school today. The new babe Aditi came to my class to talk to Asha. I guess they are friends. Boy was I thrilled to see her. She was a true beauty. Atleast that is what every other guy thought and said. I went to Asha and asked her to introduce her to me. I mean come on what are friends for huh 😉
Asha gave me the typical exasperated girl look and accepted. Of course she did. She was a nice friend. I would not say we were the best of pals or anything. But she is nice and we get along. I dont know if i will remember or miss her once I leave school. But she is a nice girl I think.
But Aditi oh man, she looks great. And when Asha introduced me to her I was in seventh heaven. The better thing than meeting Aditi was the look on the other guy’s faces. Boy, were they pissed. I felt good. Like this cool dude or something you know. Well who said 10th standard isnt fun. It sure it is,atleast for me. 🙂 I am definitely asking Aditi out. Definitely. Its gonna be rocking man.
More later Diary dude!
Today Akash asked me to introduce him to Aditi, the new girl who has come to the next section. I dont know if I felt bad about it or not. She is very cute, probably way cuter than I can ever imagine to be. I am not that bad looking though, but no competition to Aditi. But I did feel wierd. Anyways it was nothing I could explain, so i went ahead and introduced them.
Aakash( I never knew that is how he spelt it) has always been nice to me. He and his parents are really nice people.I have never been an extrovert. I am always in my own shell. I dont know how to get out of it. Its not that I dont try. I really do. But then when I do try , this huge big deafening silence hits me, and its like it blocks my mind, and I have no clue what to say next and I am more than happy to retreat in to my happy place.I guess I cant blame him for not taking a huge interest in me. Well I wonder if my life will ever change.
September 20th 2005
I am glad Aditi and I worked things out. I was glad to get out the realtionship, if I can call it that. Well yeah it was fun going out with the hottest girl in the class. But it was not so much fun being with someone who was so stupid. That was just the word. It was not as though she was character personified with no brains. It was as though God had sucked out all traces of character out of her before sending her down to earth.
Anyways like i said this was a blessing in disguise. I had my board exams and my IIT entrance exams ahead of me. The last thing I wanted was an attention seeking dumb girl bothering me all the time. i know i was all exciting in the begininng but I guess it was because, more than Aditi I liked the idea of being the guy whom everyone else was jealous about.Well I guess one learns from mistakes .
Having said that, before I wrote today’s entry I read the entry I wrote about meeting Aditi the first day. I found that I wrote about Asha. Asha left school after 10th to study in a state board school. I guess it was because she wanted a better score to get in to Tamil Nadu’s stupid engineering schools. Anyways I did miss her a little. Asha was like this little puppy who was always around to help me in about anything. I dont mean anything disrespectful or anything. Its just that it was wierd that someone who has always been around was suddenly missing. Maybe one gets so comfortable with having them around that we miss them only when they are not around.
Well hopefully I meet Asha again.It would be nice to have her back.
October 10th 2005
Its a new school, new set of people and the same me. Still scared to make the first move and make friends.Fortunately for me few people from my old school came to the same school and I took shelter under thier wings. Its been a year now and I have some good friends here. I did manage to make friends, not because of me but purely because of other outgoing ,friendly, really sweet poeple .
I saw aakash’s mom today on the way back from school. Such a nice lady she was. She rememberd everything about me and my parents and spoke really well to me. She also said Aakash spoke about me sometimes.
I felt a small tinge of what you can call delight. So Aaakash remembers me. People do remember me. contrary to what I think, I do not fade away with time . That made me really happy, that I was worthy of being remembered. Not always a face in a crowd right.
I hope I see Aakash again.It would be nice. Definitely.
To be continued.
July 11, 2008 at 9:57 pm