Tale of Two Diaries – Part II

Tale of Two Diaries – Part 1

May 10th, 2007

Dear Diary

I dint know it would take us such a long time to meet. It was a school reunion of sorts. I dint know if I was looking forward to it or not. To a great number of people there, I would be just another person who gets lost and people struggle to remember my name when they browse through old school photographs. Would it make a difference if I went there? Would people even bother? These were the thoughts that were going through my mind when I got the mail about the reunion.

But I would meet AAkash right? I mean I knew it was stupid that my heart sort of fluttered when I thought about it. Simply because I dont even think I have a crush on him. He just happens to be a really nice guy who sort of acknowledged me in school and let me hang out with the ‘cool’ gang.The fact that I had an uncanny ability to get lost among people was not exactly his fault.

I dont know in a weird way I am looking forward to the reunion maybe because I get to meet Aakash. But then I also think what is going to happen? I mean yeah, high school and college have brought about some changes in me, in the sense I don’t piss in my pants when I think about having to talk to people and socialize . But I am no way near the really cool extrovert people. And doesn’t time change everyone ?I mean what if I see all my friends and Aakash and there is just the exchange of silence between us?

Asha

May 11th, 2007

Diary
All we shared was the silence. But it was as though we shared it together. It was just us and silence was flowing between us like sweet mellifluous music. I was tempted to send a message across through the silence. Well maybe I did. I don’t know. All I knew was that it felt great to meet Asha again. It was one of those feelings of nostalgia mixed with the ecstasy of living the reality. Surreal but great.

I almost did not go to the reunion. For the most part because I have this feeling about meeting really old school friends. Simply because you have grown in such leaps and bounds in mental maturity that when you meet them after a long time, its this awkward pause that we always end up having. Its like , you are not close enough to discuss relationships but not distant enough to just exchange niceties. Its weird, really. Sharath , my other friend who had been with all along right from the kindergarten to IIT madras now, dragged me . His pretext was that probably any one of our old classmates had blossomed in to real cute chicks. Missing potential babe meetings upset him. Maybe it was abysmally low number of girls in IIT that drove him to such limits. But he gave me the “if-looks-could-kill” look when I said I was not very keen on going.

There she was standing right next to Aditi. One would assume Aditi’s sheer glow would make Asha invisible to the naked eye. Surprisingly, I found it really hard to take my eyes of Asha. It was the simplicity that shook me. It was the simple but neat Kurta over a well pressed jean,hair let down with just a small clip to hold it. The face was unnaturally natural. I mean you are amidst girls who are all done with layers of make up ,which i don’t think is wrong at all. Everyone looked great. Just that somehow this simple face,sans any decoration looked almost beautiful. I don’t use the word beautiful a lot. Simply because I think its way too strong a word to use on every other chick you see on the roads. Yes, for some really unexplainable reason, Asha seemed beautiful.

The reunion was just as I thought it would be. Boring awkward, super weird. After the usual, “where are you studying?,What are your future plans?” everyone was just gawking around.Adding to that was the really awkward feeling I had when Aditi came over to speak to me. Her dumbness seemed to be directly proportionally to her looks. She looked much prettier than she used to at school and was much more dumb. I congratulated myself again on a once wise decision.I was just too eager to get out of the conversation that only involved modeling and guys and more guys.

And when I went to Asha to inquire about her, she looked at me and smiled . It reminded me of our school days when she would always cling around me and friends. It took her a minute to answer and ask me a question back. For some reason, I liked it. Call it old fashioned , it was really nice to see a girl blush when speaking to you. I took her email id and phone number. It felt nice seeing her. I dint think more about it.

I was glad I went.

Aakash

May 16th ,2007

Dear Diary,

This is probably one of the best phone calls I had ever received. I was super excited when Aakash gave me a ring. Somehow it was just too easy to speak to him. Why? I never understood. The usually tongue tied me was not so short of words when i spoke to him. Maybe the people who almost grow up with are the ones you are most comfortable with as you are not always on your toes wondering if they are judging you.

It was a great conversation. I felt like I got in touch with a long lost friend. I found what a conversation was.What it could be ? What it feels like to share just about everything ? I tell you, that is the best thing. I need to mark this diary entry. I want to open this entry some day . I am sure it would bring great joy. The day I made a true friend.

Asha

Jan 19 th 2008
Diary,

Its unbelievable how sometimes you feel nervous at flip of a coin. At everything. I was quite unable to be myself for the whole evening. And worst part was I had a quiz at college too. I could not remember anything i studied for it. I was breaking my head over the simplest of problems.It was as though some sharp headed spear was piercing through me and got stuck inside instead of finding its way out. I was trying hard to get spear out. I was failing miserable at the attempt.

It was funny I was feeling this way. I decided to end my misery by letting Asha know how I felt. I thought that would make me feel better. But no, if any it only made my misery worse. What had I done? Did I just ruin the single best thing that happened to me? I don’t know. And am not sure how things are going to turn out.As of now, all I can think of is did I pass? I knew as I was asking the question myself that it was not the quiz I was bothered about.

Aakash

Jan 19th 2008

Dear Diary

I let the wind hit my face standing the terrace. I was letting it hit me as hard as it can. I did not prevent myself from losing what i thought the wind was stealing from me. It was as though the wind was trying to detach something from me. Like removing a part of me. A part of me that had always prevented me from the being the person that I have wanted to be. The person that i envied. The inhibitions that made me , me.

Would I be losing my identify if I lost my inhibitions ? What if these are the threads that hold together ? What if I become the faceless person then ? I felt the wind hit me hard as though trying to reason with me.That is when I realized it. Was i not a faceless person anyways? In a way the wind gave the answer to the question Aakash had asked me.

This is not the place for the answer. The answer needs to be told to Aakash and him only.

Asha

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“Here I am telling you the answer all over again.This never went in to my diary and it never will cause the only place I want this to me is in our memories. Its just in us and nowhere else.

The answer has been the same always, and everytime I say it, It only becomes stronger and makes me happier. Not because you changed me in all the right ways. Not because you made me the person I am today. The person I love being. But because you loved me when I myself thought I was not worthy of love. Because you loved the person I was. Because you taught me what love meant Aakash. “

“I could stand here and give you a speech how about how much the past 25 years with you have meant to me. Why would I do that when I can say everything I have ever wanted to say in just saying this.There is more depth to this than anything I can ever say”

I love you Asha. Always have. Always will. Always.

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Concluded.

P.S: To everyone who find this a cheesy post. This was meant to be a cheesy post. This is me being an eternal optimist and a romantic believing that true love does exist.Why not!

Tale of two Diaries

May,10,1998

Dear Diary,

Today Mommy told me to develop a good habit of writing a diary entry and also told me to continue writing unlike my other habits. Mommy is right though. Last week I told her I wanted a piano because I wanted to learn and become a musician but then after a week of music classes , I dont think I want to be one. I hope to listen to mommy this time and continue writing and telling you all important incidents of my life. You might have missed the first 10 years of my life but not anymore.ok got to sleep. Good night.

Aakash

May 11,1998
Dear Diary,
Today Akash told me that he started writing a diary because his Mom told him to. I thought it was a good idea. So I decided I will do the same. It was hard getting a diary though from Mom. So will a notebook count ?I will cover it with brown paper and put a label , so I will treat you with utmost respect. I dont know how a diary should work but I will learn more from akash and then write more. As of now I dont know what to write except that the maths miss keeps calling me in class to solve problems and I dont know maths at all.

Akash always answers in class and i keep wondering how he knows so much you know. But then his parents are very well educated. My parents are educated too but i dont think so much. And my dad doesnt have time to teach me you know. My mom doesnt like maths too. i hope I dont fail or something. My friend told me that if you fail one subject, we will be made to do 5th standard again. I dont want to sit with fourth standard kids. THey dont know any of the cool games we play.

Ok I have to go now. Talk to you later.

Asha

July  25,2003

Dear Diary,

The coolest thing happened in school today. The new babe Aditi came to my class to talk to Asha. I guess they are friends. Boy was I thrilled to see her. She was a true beauty. Atleast that is what every other guy thought and said. I went to Asha and asked her to introduce her to me. I mean come on what are friends for huh

Asha gave me the typical exasperated girl look and accepted. Of course she did. She was a nice friend. I would not say we were the best of pals or anything. But she is nice and we get along. I dont know if i will remember or miss her once I leave school. But she is a nice girl I think.

But Aditi oh man, she looks great. And when Asha introduced me to her I was in seventh heaven. The better thing than meeting Aditi was the look on the other guy’s faces. Boy, were they pissed. I felt good. Like this cool dude or something you know. Well who said 10th standard isnt fun. It sure it is,atleast for me. I am definitely asking Aditi out. Definitely. Its gonna be rocking man.

More later Diary dude!

Aakash

July 25,2003

Dear Diary,

Today Akash asked me to introduce him to Aditi, the new girl who has come to the next section. I dont know if I felt bad about it or not. She is very cute, probably way cuter than I can ever imagine to be. I am not that bad looking though, but no competition to Aditi. But I did feel wierd. Anyways it was nothing I could explain, so i went ahead and introduced them.

Aakash( I never knew that is how he spelt it) has always been nice to me. He and his parents are really nice people.I have never been an extrovert. I am always in my own shell. I dont know how to get out of it. Its not that I dont try. I really do. But then when I do try , this huge big deafening silence hits me, and its like it blocks my mind, and I have no clue what to say next and I am more than happy to retreat in to my happy place.I guess I cant blame him for not taking a huge interest in me. Well I wonder if my life will ever change.

Asha

September 20th 2005

Dear Diary,

I am glad Aditi and I worked things out. I was glad to get out the realtionship, if I can call it that. Well yeah it was fun going out with the hottest girl in the class. But  it was not so much fun being with someone who was so stupid. That was just the word. It was not as though she was character personified with no brains. It was as though God had sucked out all traces of character out of her before sending her down to earth.

Anyways like i said this was a blessing in disguise. I had my board exams and my IIT entrance exams ahead of me. The last thing I wanted was an attention seeking dumb girl bothering me all the time. i know i was all exciting in the begininng but I guess it was because, more than Aditi I liked the idea of being the guy whom everyone else was jealous about.Well I guess one learns from mistakes .

Having said that, before I wrote today’s entry I read the entry I wrote about meeting Aditi the first day. I found that I wrote about Asha. Asha left school after 10th to study in a state board school. I guess it was because she wanted a better score to get in to Tamil Nadu’s stupid engineering schools. Anyways I did miss her a little. Asha was like this little puppy who was always around to help me in about anything. I dont mean anything disrespectful or anything. Its just that it was wierd that someone who has always been around was suddenly missing. Maybe one gets so comfortable with having them around that we miss them only when they are not around.

Well hopefully I meet Asha again.It would be nice to have her back.

Aakash

October 10th 2005

Dear Diary,

Its a new school, new set of people and the same me. Still scared to make the first move and make friends.Fortunately for me few people from my old school came to the same school and I took shelter under thier wings. Its been a  year now and I have some good friends here. I did manage to make friends, not because of me but purely because of other outgoing ,friendly, really sweet poeple .

I saw aakash’s mom today on the way back from school. Such a nice lady she was. She rememberd everything about me and my parents and spoke really well to me. She also said Aakash spoke about me sometimes.

I felt a small tinge of what you can call delight. So Aaakash remembers me. People do remember me. contrary to what I think, I do not fade away with time . That made me really happy, that I was worthy of being remembered. Not always a face in a crowd right.

I hope I see Aakash again.It would be nice. Definitely.

Asha

To be continued.