Up in smoke
February 10, 2008
Dancing, Singing
and Rejoicing
celebrating the
occasion of life
up in the castle!
Sound of laughter
eclipsing
any remnants
any reminiscence
of any languish ever
up in the castle!
Here I go running
with an end in mind
of un-doing unhappiness
of finding the castle
where despair
has no room
A lifetime gone in
the journey
in pursuit of the castle
in pursuit of happiness
Only to see the
castle gone up in smoke
Only to wake up
from a dream
Entry Filed under: Poetry. .
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1.
Anuradha | February 10, 2008 at 6:29 am
wow…. abstraction at its best!
totally portrays what we try to do every single day… chasing the rainbow of happiness, fighting our way through this jungle… all in pursuit of one hope… “to find the castle”!!
i can jus so totally relate to it!!!
is there such a castle? is this jus a dream?
you have gone on to scale new heights with this poetry….
keep churning on dude!
2.
maverick | February 10, 2008 at 6:42 am
Hey don’t you worry coz only when you dream you a have a life and many a times the dreams do turn into reality.
The template change is welcome though the previous one wasn’t bad either. The poem reflects your undying optimistic attitude. Hope you put it in practice as well.
By the way did you think about my proposal ?
3.
sanjay | February 10, 2008 at 9:04 pm
Song ok…but not as good as sonia sonia
4.
nivik | February 10, 2008 at 9:22 pm
@sanjay
Well am sorry to have fallen below your standards.
Maybe this is not the place for songs as high in standard as sonia sonia.
5.
sanjay | February 10, 2008 at 9:35 pm
@nivik
Ok i understand, but if u want to improve, cud go to deva
6.
nivik | February 10, 2008 at 9:39 pm
@Sanjay
Thanks for being considerate. Maybe you should not be judging the poems which are not up to your or rather ‘deva’s mark
7.
sanjay | February 10, 2008 at 9:52 pm
The comments were never meant to hurt u……if they did i am sorry and plz delete them….
8.
Akshay | February 10, 2008 at 10:02 pm
hey..nice one. liked the concept a lot. Also liked the style in which you brought it out. especially the line “running with an end in mind of un-doing unhappiness”…chosen words very well intertwined
9.
Suchitra | February 10, 2008 at 11:15 pm
The child runs
Through the hallways
And doorways
Down the stairways
Up the ramparts
And shouts from the turrets:
“Can you please tell me
Where my castle is?”
—Suchitra—
10.
AR | February 11, 2008 at 2:28 am
The castle you see,
The caste you saw,
The smoke left behind
The smoke,
Burning your lungs,
The smoke
Burning your eyes.
Lungs are better,
For being burnt,
Eyes are better,
For knowing burn.
Dreams,
They move on,
People they move on,
Sorrow it moves on,
Joy it moves on,
Happiness stays.
Joy
11.
Harish | February 12, 2008 at 1:18 am
“Only to see the
castle gone up in smoke
Only to wake up
from a dream”
Is this optimism? Or just to make us realize that all that happens bad is just a dream?
Boy….I am confused
12.
nivik | February 12, 2008 at 3:56 am
@Harish
The best thing about poetry i think is the ability it gives one to interpret.
You interpret from it what you think is the meaning.
And I am not clarifying anything that would bias an interpretation
13.
Karthik B | February 12, 2008 at 4:46 pm
looking for
eatable food
up in the castle!!
shit its just my kitchen..
14.
Navien | February 12, 2008 at 5:41 pm
Hey gud one..u ve brought it out in a deuced (urs) kewl way:) Well gettin out of that tanked state of dream to d visitation of a ding-basted reality n if a long-termer gonna get us goat really..thats somethin:) Neways found the ingredients of poetry kewl and curt on the whole:) Lemme put out some sincere feelers here..u can re-align in terms of endin syllables to still give tat feel..ll look better. On d whole was kewl to read
) churn out more stuff dude..
15.
Mansi | February 12, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Here I go running
with an end in mind
of un-doing unhappiness
of finding the castle
where despair
has no room
My favorite parts.
You should read the childrens book “Oh the places you will go”..by Dr.Seus
16.
dhivya | February 13, 2008 at 3:24 am
We all build up these castles in the air…and spend so much time going after them, but forget to enjoy the very real castles we have right here on the ground… This piece says that so beautifully. I can see loads of improvement from your first attempt at poetry- Great job!
And I liked that this had its negative elements- not all posts have to rosy and optimistic, right?!
17.
CM-Chap | February 15, 2008 at 9:34 pm
Beautiful words…
Even if it is dream.. joy isn’t gonna be less
18.
adithya | February 17, 2008 at 11:04 am
well if the castle was a place which brought happiness, a place which took the person to another world all together.. then i dont think it matters as to whether it was a dream or whether it has burnt itself to a smoke… i guess it did serve its purpose.. there is nothing wrong building castles in the air… and ths goes up in smoke one can always build another one and find happiness there..
Nivi awesome poem.. a totall different style altogether.. loved it.. adored it
.. super
19.
Prithz | February 18, 2008 at 3:48 am
Wow! Loved the way u kept the lines short.. it just flows.. Good work
20.
Lakshminarayanan | February 22, 2008 at 6:34 pm
nice one…sententious yet enjoyable poem…
21.
nivik | March 1, 2008 at 2:56 pm
@Anu
thanks dude! Means something coming from you
@Maverik
Yeah I do agree with the dream aspect. True
As for your question, Anytime
22.
Kannan | March 5, 2008 at 11:53 pm
very nice…